please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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