So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
