So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
