His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
