You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
