I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
