Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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