do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
