I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
