I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
