my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
