who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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