I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
