Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize