Whatcha textin bout Willis?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
