I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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