I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize