oh god the rape fog is back!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i believe in u and ur pee
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