My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
