Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Oh god it's open bar.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
