So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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