I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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