guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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