My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
