They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
