i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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