Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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