i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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