I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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