oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
