They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
