Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
