actually, I'm a sock model
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm both gender and math confused
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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