i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
