Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
