Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
