my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
