just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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