his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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