sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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