ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
