God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
