What a fucking waste of an outfit
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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