I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
