im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
