I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
