I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
