When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My ass is underappreciated
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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