He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
