That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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