I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
