I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
