Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i love accidental penises.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
