i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
FUCK WHALES
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
