So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
