And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
