Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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