My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm just crazy horny about you
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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