Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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