I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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