My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
