Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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