yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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