I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
