shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
