why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We were destined to go to rehab together
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
