..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
