Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
