every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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