dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
