I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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