dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
